Corruption Primer

It has come to my attention that many, otherwise effective, corporate and public sector managers fail to understand the basic elements of detection avoidance.
While having malfeasance exposed is not necessarily a prosecutable matter, it is often embarrassing for your political leaders.
To assist the busy executive, we are publishing the following guidelines for avoiding unwanted items of evidence.

Email
Email has very specific uses, like checking if you need to pick up milk on the way home, or to invite the secretary down the hall for a quickie in the storeroom. It must never be used to discuss business matters. You know 90% of your dealings are dodgy, do not leave the details lying around on servers for nosy investigators to find.

Cell (mobile) phones
Like emails, these handy gadgets will bring you undone every time. Don’t worry about what the phone company told you, they will hand over all your records in a blink. You keep hearing about your colleagues coming undone because of phone evidence – Listen! Take heed.



Paper Trail
You probably think this is a rather old fashioned, outmoded detection method. Think again. Many agencies are now retro-training a new investigative class called ‘forensic auditors’. These people can actually tell what you were eating when you scrawled those incriminating instructions on the paper napkin. Don’t commit anything to paper.

People
Now this is a difficult one for the average executive who doesn’t see themselves as your ordinary criminal. Any successful criminal will tell you that the fewer people involved the less chance of exposure. The really successful criminals don’t even divulge information to themselves!
We know this becomes difficult when dealing with nasty foreign regimes or local land developers, but beware of who knows what. If you allow others into your schemes, no matter how essential they seem, you are leaving yourself at risk of exposure.

You
Yes, that’s right! We all know that an enormous ego is a central element of success. The meek are hardly likely to climb over bleeding battered bodies to get to the top. Don’t let it go to your head. Most of all, don’t believe your own spin.
You are never beyond reach, and the higher you go the more likely someone with a good aim is gunning for you. So the rules are:
Don’t be cheap – if you expect someone to stay bought, pay them well in the first place.
Avoid people with nothing to lose. You might have trouble understanding the concept, but these people are dangerous.
Resist cheesy comments and inappropriate jokes. If it is really distasteful you can be sure it will be broadcast, with your name attached. Let’s face it, the only way to get away with really bad taste is to attribute it. Beware, if it is well known that you are a ‘bit of a wit’ then you will probably be attributed with every sick remark doing the rounds.

We understand just how difficult the ‘simple’ truth is, but there you go. Effective, undetected (or easily hidden) corruption can only be attained by adhering to the basic rules. Keep it clean, bore them to death and corporate and public sector crime can flourish freely.